On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
