I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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