real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
