does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize