I am puke
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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