Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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