I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
