wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
