isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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