Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
