Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize