put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
