I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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