You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
