I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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