i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Be still, my beating vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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