just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
