i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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