Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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