This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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