I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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