ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
