Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
