yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
