He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
