I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
