My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
