apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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