O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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