But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
