Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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