I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
