Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need moral support for this bender
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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