Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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