Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
