Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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