Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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