no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I die, sorry about rent.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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