Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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