great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
