at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
