I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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