Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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