Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
