I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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