thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
