The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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