He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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