I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
