Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
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I just want to make out with him forever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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