You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
