smell my finger.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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