So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
