It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ok first of all what the fuck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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