From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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