I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
