Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
