i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
