I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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