so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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