I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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