At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
