remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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