Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
