I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
