he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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