is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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