I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
