We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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