he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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