Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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