What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
