so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
