You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
