Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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