I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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