brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
